Week Two Perspective: Crowd Surfing through Cancer

As the days tick by, I find myself reflecting on my blessings.

The greatest blessing has been learning to trust. Seriously, at 60 years I am finding myself having to trust that everything and everyone around is working in my highest and best interest. It is hard. I suspect you know exactly what I'm saying. Sometimes it is just easier to do something ourselves than to explain, teach, show demonstrate or even ask for what we need. But success on this detour requires me to trust.

Trust in divine timing. Trusting that everything is "for" me. Trust in the power of the whole (Holy) Spirit. Trusting in my family and friends. Trust in the medical community.

For the first time, I'm discovering what it means to just "let go" and to trust that things are happening as they should.

I've always admired people who can crowd surf.

Crowd surfing is the process in which a person is passed overhead from person to person (often during a concert), transferring the person from one part of the venue to another. The surfer is passed above everyone's heads, with everyone's hands supporting the person's weight. My thought was always "what if they drop me"? But serious injuries caused by crowd surfing are extremely rare.

Curious.

When I was a teenager, I recall my girlfriends giving me a letter outlining why they did not want to hang out with me. The hurt, humiliation, and shame were intense. For years, I could not bring myself to talk about it. Like many people, I shoved in down - way down. In anger management I teach that "guilt is when we feel bad about the behavior, but shame is when we believe we are the behaviour". So, here I am about 45 years later re-examining the story and the shame of this letter.

In Ayuvedic medicine, cancer is considered an "angry" disease. Ayurveda is an ancient type of healing system and traditional medicine that has been used in India for thousands of years. It focuses on harmony and balance among the mind, spirit, environment and cosmos.

Was I angry? A little voice inside me said "yes, you are.". The bigger question was "what could I do about it?

Once again Spirit stepped in.

I did not have to face this story alone. With my stalwart friend and coach Maggie at my side, we broke down the story into "what happened". As we did this, "magically", I heard from some of the girls involved in the letter. This time the "letters" were messages of hope wanting me to know they are here for me should I need anything. Mind blown!

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been anything different. And, just like that - I am free. Ready for my free fall.